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dark,decayed,bitter.
living in a hole,
dug with a shovel called pity

reaching, prying,pulling.
try to contain
intruders within

anger,fear,hatred.
my only weapons,
keeping everyone away

beauty,grace,elegance.
of a soul,
I wish I owned

blood,knife,body.
the only way,
To keep everyone away.
©2003-2009 ~sadlife
:iconsadlife:

Author's Comments

well now, no idea, didnt have a reason for writing it i just did

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:iconzergy:
Nice work, although I'm not too sure about the last bit...

Poor widdle davey :( (Sad)

--
<Insert witty, intelligent quote/comment here>

;)
:icondoomit:
I think the form could be experiemented with. It is very interesting. However, the three words are creating a good rhythm. In that way they make the poem flow well. Maybe find words that flow together nicely, that have the same feet and things of that nature to improve the meter.

just a thought.

-doomit

--
I AM NOT IN CONTROL!

-Doomit
:iconiamsplee:
Well I'm happier with the arrangement on this one, but the comma usage needs some help. Poetry doesn't HAVE to have punctuation, but when you DO use it you should make sure that it's used correctly. Unless it was meant with some artistic intent that I'm not noticing, you need a space after each comma. Also, the commas used in the second lines of each stanza are not needed. They really don't make sense being there. I would add that the periods aren't necessary, but I don't want to piss you off. :) (Smile) See the example below.

"dark,decayed,bitter.
living in a hole,
dug with a shovel called pity"

Post Below

"dark, decayed, bitter
living in a hole
dug with a shovel called pity"


--
"How happy is the blameless vestal's lot
The world forgetting by the world forgot
Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind
Each prayer accepted, and each wish resigned..."
~Alexander Pope

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February 27, 2003

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